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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The battle hymn of the STFU

just a quick rant here:
I cannot stand the tiger mother craze that swepped the nation a week back. It seemed like everything from school, to the Colbert Report was covering this shit.
I think what gets me most agitated is the instant memedom this woman has obtained for simply being strict.
I was raised in a strict household. Was I ever beaten? no, my mother enjoyed emotional abuse rather than physical. I can honestly say i would have rather been beaten. The emotional scars these children will be left with will haunt them for the rest of their lives. And I'm sure, these tactics could have worked in China, but here in A-Murika, where even the fattest of workers can be happy, they are just going to wind up dissapointed. All-in-all fuck the media, and fuck the establishment
I'm out

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

How To Survive a Python Attack

Recently, there has been more and more reports of pythons attacking hikers in the south east United States. Here are three steps you can take to ensure your survival.
You will need to be quick, because it can be all over in a matter of 30 seconds.
Step 1: Cover the python's mouth with clothing. I would recommend using a shirt. You want to cut off one of the animals senses.

Step 2: Take a deep breath and hold;  The python is trying to squeeze the air out of you, so keep holding the breath in until you are free. The worst thing you can do is try to pry the snake off of you.

Step 3: Bite the snake's tail; this is a battle for dominance, and the snake will know then who has won. Clamp your choppers into the tail of the snake, and it should go slithering back to it's mommy.

I hope I have helped you out. Stay tuned, because more tips will be on their way.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Alright, sorry about today

Sorry about my mood today, it was rather uneventful, and I was feeling anxty, anywhoozle, starting tomorrow, I will be giving out tips on how to be the best you can be. How to get the girl, how to excel at a skill, and how to love life in general. I hope you are all ready for a nice change of pace. Thank you

What's the deal With Airplane food?!? Amirite?

one thing that pisses me of are unfunny people who think they're funny. Sleezeballs with greased up hair, a plastic smile, and a crappy desk job. Maybe it's their only vent to express the stresses of day-to-day life, but honestly it's pathetic.


women are magical creatures; they can tantalize you all they want with promises of sexual satisfaction, and then in the last second, take the cake away as it's dancing in your face, and then call you a pervert for even considering the possibility of sex. Though this pisses off many, i find this a wonderful touch to "the chase" all guys must partake in. Personally, I find it horrible to see a man in a "nudie bar", because I hate shallow people. They give us good guys a bad name. Eh, It's hard living in a world where the douche-bag gets the girl.